Woman Gave Birth to 16 Kids But Was Forced To Give Some Away. There Was No Help For Her?
Sometimes reading about the lives of different people can put things into perspective. Such as the story about a woman who had 16 children with her husband after which she said enough. In an interview for a book, she talked in depth about their family situation and about how she is treated by her husband who doesn’t even give her money for the children but occasionally “borrows her some”. What have been some of the hardest decisions the woman had faced in her life? How does this big family deal without the father putting money towards them? And why does he think that is not a problem? Read on to find out about this family and the ways they get by.
The Start Of The Story
The story of the woman, who had remained anonymous, had started when she was young and attending a vocational school, majoring in cashier and sales. She was 19 when she met her husband when visiting a friend and he came asking them to go out dancing with him. After that, as she recalled, he would try hard to make her his, even buy her strawberries in the off-season which were more expensive as they were imported. The woman described that because of that she felt that with him she could have everything. However, once the strawberries ended, the harsh reality of life had begun. Just how much did the woman’s life change? Read on to find out.
Together with her husband, the woman had 16 children altogether. The oldest is a daughter who is 24 and who lives with her husband and their two children. Three other oldest children also live with their partners and the rest age ranging from 19-6 live with her and her husband. One of their daughters had problems with her spine and ended up in the hospital, yet the mother of 16 wasn’t able to visit her often as her husband wouldn’t borrow her money and she had to rely on one of her sons to give her cash after his paycheque. The woman had also revealed that the youngest three of her children are not baptized as she did not have the money to spare to pay the priest, which in turn had caused problems with the religious education teachers at their school.
Giving Up Three Children
While she might have given birth to 16 children, the woman did not raise them all. After getting pregnant for the 12th time, the woman revealed the doctor told her that she could give the baby up for adoption and when her son was born she did that. Then she got pregnant again, a daughter, and once again she gave her up for adoption. At the time, she didn’t even look at them or knew their names as it was better to erase them from her memory. Her 16th child, who is 3 right now, was also given up for adoption, though this time she searched for a family for him rather than putting him in the system, settling on a teacher and a government worker couple. The two women also became Facebook friends, so that she can see him grow up from his photos. It was a difficult choice for the woman but being able to see how loved the little boy was, having more kids than all her children ever had in their lives, she knew that she had made the right decision to give him up. But how did things get that far and why didn’t the woman use protection? Find out on the next page.
Why Such A Big Family?
The husband would often joke that with the number of children they had his wife surely had a lover “in the city”. And while he says that jokingly, what is not a joke is his thoughts where he thinks a wife is there to clean, cook, and give him her body. In the excerpt from the book the woman said, “I won’t say it’s rape, more like a kind of forced sex. He says it is a marital privilege.” The man had always been of the opinion that his wife should be the one to use protection and for a time she did. First, she used to take the pill after the first child, but it did not work. Then she would take injections but also stop. As for using condoms, her husband was against them and refused to wear them because to him it was like wearing a glove. To make money, the man keeps pigs and as the woman confessed, somewhere after the tenth child she began to feel like one of his pigs saying that when he breeds them, he also breeds her too.
Harsh Family Life
The family lives in the countryside and until last year they didn’t have any running water in their home and had to go outside fetch some from the well. Her husband earns money but as we mentioned before he doesn’t contribute to the household because “he earns the money then it’s his”. He only borrows it and the only time he does ‘give’ some money is for Christmas so his wife can make his favorite salad. When the couple’s oldest son was getting married, his mother was the one who financed the party by getting a loan, while his father had only borrowed the son money for alcohol. To make ends meet the woman gets some money from the government but despite what people might think, that the sum of money would be big with the number of children they had, but that is not the case. Especially with the amount of food they need to buy daily so that everyone can get fed properly. Anything new at home, such as the TV, has been brought by the pair’s children who are now working.
However, despite working as hard as she can for her children, even when she herself was ill, people still talked. What have they been saying? Find out on the next page.
As it most often can be in small, rural communities, people talk. And at times people can judge without knowing someone’s whole story. When it came to this family in particular even the ladies at the welfare office where the woman went to get help had some things to say. Most of them were negative about the mother of 16, claiming that they heard she does nothing but sits on her phone all day, that the reason her husband didn’t give her money was that she wasn’t able to use it properly on the necessary things. People would also talk about the fact that she gave two of her children away and speculate that the youngest one, which was born 3 years ago, was sold to his adoptive parents. One person had even claimed that “she would love to give birth and then sell it, but she can’t anymore.”
Husband Wife Relationship
The couple does not argue anymore, one wrong word can cause silence in the house among them for days. They don’t even sleep together anymore. After the 16th child, the one which the woman gave up for adoption and watches grow through photos on Facebook, she said enough and since he was born, three years, she has not had sex with her husband. The pair sleeps separately, the mother in another room with her youngest children and she did admit her husband sometimes comes and asks for her to sleep with him but she says no, adding that some of their children are also sleeping in his room and she had always found it embarrassing with them in the room. But she highlighted that she won’t sleep with him and that her husband won’t force her to do it again. But in all this, what does he have to say? Find out on the next page.
Husband Sees Nothing Wrong
Her husband didn’t think that living with a big family was difficult. He had grown up in a big family and that was just how his life had stayed. When it came to finances and benefits, he is aware that his wife has been getting help from the government but he himself doesn’t want people in the village. All because, in his opinion, in the village where they live everyone only looks out for themselves, they won’t even ask neighbors for anything because he has all the money that he needs and he has all that he needs. To prove that he says that they have a 32 inch TV and for Christmas, they slaughter a pig. and make sausages, so unlike his wife, according to him, he has everything he needs to be happy.
Still Hopeful For The Future
Despite all that she has been through, and how her husband has treated her, the woman still hopes that things will change for her 25th anniversary in August. Her dream is for her husband to take her out somewhere but given what their relationship feels like, she is sure that her husband doesn’t even remember the date of their wedding. However, he knows that her birthday is in June but that’s it. Despite the fact that each year she gets out of her way to buy him some small gift. The reason she’s even more doubtful that anything would change was that the last time her husband was kind to her was when she was in the hospital. He came, asked her how she was feeling, and gave her a kiss, the first one in three years. And she is aware that despite everything, she still loves him very much but that is more out of being used to it rather than anything.
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